


All That He Will Never Have

by OftheSea



Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-11
Updated: 2016-07-11
Packaged: 2018-07-22 20:38:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 695
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7453162
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OftheSea/pseuds/OftheSea
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Well then what are you doing here?”<br/>“Like Dick knows how to pick a lock.”<br/>Adam smirks and Ronan’s chest tightens. He hates him a little more now. He can’t do this. Not today. </p><p>pre series (obviously pre relationship) pynch</p>
            </blockquote>





	All That He Will Never Have

The bathrooms at Aglionby are immaculate. Ronan despises them. 

There was little to no graffiti in the stalls that went uncovered, but the carvings they simply couldn’t get rid of were all the work of Ronan. 

He wasn’t defacing any school property today though. That was too juvenile for today. Carving a penis and a curse word into a toilet paper dispenser wouldn’t change anything today. Nothing would. 

So Ronan just stares. He holds the marble countertop of the sink and watches the boy in the glass watch him. He is thin in a way that seems unintentional and even more so unsustainable. His tie is askew, as if he ripped at its tight knot in an attempt to regain normal breathe. His sleeves are rolled up and his shirt buttons are undone and the water he must have splashed on his face earlier has dripped all over his front. Ronan watches this boy and thinks he must be falling apart. 

He moves his attention to his face. Now he knows this boy is collapsing has collapsed will collapse any moment now. His face has lost all its natural pigment, the only noticeable color being the pale pink of his trembling lips and the dark purple of the skin beneath his eyes. He must not be sleeping well. Ronan wonders if his dreams follow him back too. The water droplets on the boys face have collected right under his eyes and begun to fall down his cheeks. The boy should be more careful, Ronan thinks. He couldn’t have people thinking he’s been crying. No, he couldn’t have that. No one will know, Ronan tells the boy. He doesn’t say it out loud but the boy understands. 

The door to the bathroom creeks open. Ronan whips around, taking his eyes off the boy and furiously wiping at the water on his face. Adam Parrish steps inside, Gansey’s platinum credit card in hand. He takes a look at Ronan, pockets the card, and shuts the door behind him. 

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing, Parrish?” 

“Gansey was worried.” 

Adam stands before Ronan, hands clasped behind his back, posture perfect. His hair is perfectly arranged, his uniform is impeccable, and his face is perfectly clear of all things. Ronan despises him, then. 

“Well then what are you doing here?” 

“Like Dick knows how to pick a lock.” 

Adam smirks and Ronan’s chest tightens. He hates him a little more now. He can’t do this. Not today. 

“Run along and tell him I’m fine then. Perform your lackey duties or whatever.” 

“Fuck off, Lynch. I was just trying to help you–” 

“Well I don’t want your fucking help Parrish! I don’t need it! Just leave me ALONE.” 

Adam does not move. Ronan’s breathing is heavy and his face is hot from anger or from Adam’s gaze or both. Adam tilts his head to the side, looks Ronan up and down, and makes his way back up to Ronan’s eyes. He does not have to search for anything today. All the answers are right on the surface. 

“You sure about that?” 

Ronan moves back to the sink and grips the counter once again. He catches sight of the boy but he cannot watch him anymore he cannot look at himself any longer. 

“Just go. Leave me alone. Go.” 

Adam pauses for a moment. Ronan hears his footsteps begin to approach him, pause, then retreat back towards the door. He cannot decide if he is disappointed or relieved. Before Adam steps through the door, he turns back to look at Ronan. He looks defeated, something Adam never though Ronan Lynch could be. 

“I’m sorry, Ronan. About your father. I really am.” 

He lets the door fall shut behind him. 

Ronan looks up at the boy. He is crying now, there’s no denying it. He is crying for his father and for his seemingly catatonic mother and for Matthew and Declan and for the home that he will never be able to return to and for Adam and for Ronan. The boy weeps for what he has lost and for all that he will never have the chance to lose.

**Author's Note:**

> written for a dialogue tumblr prompt: "Just leave me ALONE."   
> my tumblr: firefranky.tumblr.com


End file.
